Dream Life vs Real Life: How to Deal with Reality

There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

At one point we all picture our lives to turn out different. For example, by now I expected to have my own car, have a college education, a better job, and at least one kid. I have none of those things, but that doesn’t mean my life isn’t good. It doesn’t mean that I have less value as a person because I don’t have what everyone else has. Some days it’s hard to accept the reality I have over the one I pictured in my head years ago. Some days it’s easier to accept because I remember that no one has the life they thought they were going to have. We’re all playing the cards we’ve been dealt. Here are some mental tools I’ve used to combat the back and forth battle of accepting my reality.

Celebrating What You Have Accomplished

Our lives may not have turned out how we imagined, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t good, or victories to celebrate. What have you accomplished so far? Big or small, it COUNTS! Think about the war that is life, and remember your victories you have gained from it. Write them down, and put it in a place where you can see it. Having a different life doesn’t always mean it’s a bad one.

Here are some of my accomplishments (and good things) to inspire you:

I got married four years ago, and have been with him for almost ten years!
We live on our own without assistance from our parents!
We have fur babies who are kind, loving and healthy!
We live in a good town, in a house close to all of the action
I have completed the final copy of my first zine earlier this year
I am publishing my first story in December, making me a published author
I have a blog I actually enjoy having, and going to keep up with

And the list goes on. Having a list of nothing but GOOD and celebration is an excellent mood setter. It puts you in a frame of mind of gratefulness, and confidence.

Identifying What is Achievable and What Isn’t

There are things we can change, and things we cannot. What happens to us as humans, is we get hung up on the things we cannot change. For some reason, the things we cannot change hold a tighter grip on us than anything else. There are multiple ways you could learn how to let go of those things (religion, therapy and so on); another way to is make a list. Sometimes physically seeing the reality of our situations, or even saying it can promote closure. Here is a list of things in my life that are achievable, and things that are not. Sometimes at the end of the day we have to do decide to try.

Getting my driver’s licence = ACHIEVABLE
Getting my own car = ACHIEVABLE (but at the right time)
Having a child = ACHIEVABLE (but at the right time)
Being a fantasy author = ACHIEVABLE
Getting a full time job that doesn’t suck = WHO KNOWS?
Getting a college education = NOT ACHIEVABLE (right now)

And the list goes on. Physically seeing what you can change, and what you cannot will put your mind in the perspective it needs. Which brings me to my next point!

Discarding Old Dreams and Replacing Them With New

You know, at one point, someone told me that their life was “sad” because it wasn’t what they imagined it would be. They said they wanted to get married and have children. Well, they got their wish. Those things did happen, but it wasn’t what they had in mind. They wanted to get married, but they wanted their marriage to be a happy one. They wanted to have children, but they wanted to get pregnant after the vows were spoken. They imagined a white picket fence, being a stay at home spouse, and just having a completely different reality. They were mourning a life of theirs that didn’t exist, and probably never will.

This was when I told them to forget about their old dreams, and to make new ones. Clinging to a romantic version of your life in your mind isn’t going to help you improve the one you’ve been given. You had the “american dream” and now it’s time to have a new dream. One you can achieve through determination and faith in yourself. Every second not living the life you can have is a second wasted. Some things will take time, and that’s okay. I don’t expect you to have it all together, because none of us have ourselves all together. Life is more about the journey than the destination, and that may sound pretty lame, but that’s called character development! Start off small, take baby steps, and don’t give up on yourself.

Accepting Your Current Reality, and Thriving

Any book you read, and movies you watch will show you how things always happen when we least expect it. The main character didn’t expect all of those things to happen to them, but they dealt with it. They accepted it, and did what needed to be done. Their old dreams became something new based on their circumstances. Harry Potter went from being a little kid that wanted to be invisible, to someone who stopped evil in its tracks. Dorothy Gale wanted to go someplace new, and when she got her wish all she wanted to do was to go home! Octavia Blake thought she was going to spend her entire life being hidden away, and then became a reigning queen over a thousand people. All of those realities were different from what the characters imagined for themselves, but they turned out to be something good. Imagine what would happen if Harry Potter never went to Hogwarts, or if Dorothy Gale never went over the rainbow, or if Octavia Blake never believed in herself. They would be completely different people, in a completely different circumstance. They wouldn’t have learned what they needed to about themselves, they wouldn’t have met the people who they did.

None of us were meant to have the romanticized version of our lives, because that’s not how life works. This isn’t The Sims, people. We don’t have complete control over what happens, and we have to be ok with that. We have to look at what we can change, and dream up new dreams for the version of ourselves that current exist. We need to change our perspective from mourning, to inspired.

Thank you for reading! I have new posts every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday! You can follow me on Twitter @StarAsphodel